Christmas Special : Cutting Room Floor Conversations
by RosarioN
Summary: Shelagh and Cynthia talk.
1. Chapter 1

**a/n: So the Christmas Special, hmmmmm. My thoughts can be summed up as:**

**1) What happened to the equal distribution of storylines between characters?**

**2) Dear God how much of this ended up on the cutting room floor? Nearly broke my neck at the pace**

**3) Why is no one suggesting that Cynthia talk to Shelagh?**

**Can't do much about 1 and 2, but this story hopes to remedy no.3**

* * *

She'd tried to catch Shelagh before the carol singing started, but Shelagh and Tim were uncharacteristically late, arriving in a fluster mere minutes before they were due to get started, citing a last minute nappy change and Tim's lost sheet music as the cause.

Cynthia tried to enjoy the carol singing as best she could, but she couldn't help but glance between Shelagh and Sister Winnifred – on which side of the line would she find herself next year?

After a rousing chorus of Jingle Bells to end the session, the carollers began to gather there things.

"Shelagh?" Cynthia put a gentle hand on her friends shoulder.

"Greetings!" Shelagh began, then paused seeing the serious look on the younger nurses' face. "Are you ok Cynthia?"

"I was hoping I could speak to you about something, something important, if it's not too much trouble, I mean, if you have the time…."

"Of course you can." Shelagh replied. "In fact, I'm free this evening if you'd like to come over?"

"That would be lovely" Cynthia said, "though, it is a private matter" she said gently with a quick glance at Tim who was busy doing up his coat.

"That's ok" Tim said cheerfully "Mum bribed me with fish and chips for agreeing to play the accompniament tonight"

"What Timothy means to say" Shelagh cut –in, "Is that, as a _thank you_, for playing tonight, Tim and Patrick are going to the café at the end of the road for a gentlemans fry-up. So it will just be myself and Angela at home this evening."

"Oh, ok" Cynthia smiled "I just need to drop my lantern off at Nonnatus and change, and then I will come straight over."

"I shall put the kettle on" Shelagh said "and it will give me time to clean up whatever mess Dad and Angela have made."

20 minutes later Cynthia found herself in the Turners living room, waiting while Shelagh changed Angela's nappy and Patrick and Tim put their coats on.

"Ready" Tim said as he buttoned the top button on his coat.

"Hat" Shelagh told him.

"I don't need a hat, I've got gloves and a scarf" Tim said

"I don't want a repeat of last Christmas Tim, you'll put a hat on." Shelagh insisted, as Cynthia watched in fascination.

"but.." Tim began to argue, however Shelagh's look could have stopped traffic. "Yes mum…" he aquised, putting on the dreaded cap.

Finally, they were appropriately attired, Patrick and Tim were dispatached to the café and 2 cups of tea were drawn.

"How can I help?" Shelagh asked.

"Well, I guess you could say that I am having a crisis of faith?" Cynthia said

"Okay….but are you sure I am the best person to ask? What about Sister Evangelina?"

"No actually, you are one of the best people to ask. It's not that I am losing faith, rather, I am gaining it."

"I'm not sure I follow…."

"I am thinking about entering the religious orders." Cynthia said, surprised at hearing herself say it out loud to someone other than sister Julienne.

Shelagh smiled, "I see".

"It's just I am not sure. I think I am certain about what I want, but I can't be sure, I mean, what if I end up, well…."

"leaving like me?" Shelagh finished.

"Yes" Cynthia blushed, looking at her lap. "I mean, you must have been sure when you took holy vows?"

"I was very young, when I decided I wanted to be a nun. Too young really. I had that determined air that all 18 year olds have, when they are young , have an idea in their heads and are convinced that their life is to go a certain way.

As you know, at Nonnatus, the nuns usually take holy vows, then train as nurses. I was so young, that they sent me to nursing college first, thinking that I needed another 2 years to really know my own mind.

When I finished my training, I was still convinced that the religious life was to be my life's calling and so I joined the novitiate, when I was barely 20. Still a baby myself really. When I took my vows I was cartain that this was to be my path."

"But then you met Doctor Turner….."

Angela gurgled from her moses basket and Shelagh raised briefly to take her daughter in her arms.

"It wasn't Patrick that turned my head." Shelagh said. "I was questioning the religious life well before then. If anything it was you girls that's started to put notions in my head."

"Really?"

"Really. You were getting ready for a dance once, and I was startled to realise that I was jealous. I thought it was just a brief moment, but it kept happening. I loved hearing tales of Chummy and Peter. One night, I even took off my wimple and brushed out my hair to see what it would look like if went dancing. Patrick, well, he just sped up my thought process."

"I didn't realise….."

"No, everyone just assumes Patrick came along and whisked me off my feet. As, I said, to begin with, it wasn't even the notion of wanting a husband or a family, it was simply the notion of wanting freedom, and a different life."

"And that's what worries me" Cynthia said "What if, in 10 years time, I want a husband and a family? I don't feel that particular calling now, and I've never really felt it, but what if I suddenly change my mind."

"You'll have to take that leap of faith and see what happens Cynthia. There is no guide book to life, nothing is a certainty, you have to do what feels right at the time. You are forgetting the one difference between you and me though. You're 27, you've had some life experience, you've seen a bit of what is out there in the world, you are making this decision with more maturity and more insight than I did."

"Do you miss it?" Cynthia asked.

"No." Shelagh said, surprising herself at how quickly she replied. "I don't regret my decision to join the order, nor do I regret my decision to leave. I had 10 years of being part of an incredible sister hood, of feeling loved and embraced as part of a community. It taught me patience, charity, and to look beyond material possessions to the most important qualities of life. But no, I love my husband, and to have the ability to love him and my children freely – how could I regret that?"

"I'd certainly never have believed you were a nun, not seeing you now, you're far too glamorous."

Shelagh chuckled. "Don't get me wrong, it took me as long to get used to the secular life, as it will take you to get accustomed to the religious life. Only it will be easier for you, as there are rules to follow to help guide you. "

"Thank you Shelagh" Cynthia said draining the last of her tea. "It's really helped me speaking to you."

"I'm glad I could be of help." Shelagh replied. "Just remember, it is your life, you have to do what you believe is correct for you. True friends will know that, they won't try to persuade you or detur you, they will support your decision."

"I will" Cynthia said.


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n: There also wasn't enough Turnadette...**

* * *

Shelagh smiled and surveyed the scene in front of her. Patrick held Angela in his arms and was making silly faces and cooing at her. Tim's face held an identical smile, though the object of his affection was his new book on spitfires which he was eagerly thumbing, another mound of opened presents set tidily at his feet.

It had been a happy morning at the Turners, Tim excited at his haul of gifts, Patrick pleased with his new scarf, and she liked the new leather gloves he had bought her. The wrapping paper had been put in the bin, so all that was needed was for them all to have one last cup of tea and smarten themselves up before heading to Nonatus for Christmas lunch.

She made to go get changed when suddenly Tim looked up. "Oh Mum, I nearly forgot" he exclaimed, darting off to his room. He returned with a messily wrapped package.

"It's from me and Angela" he said as he handed it to her.

"You _and_ Angela?" Shelagh chuckled,"I see". She opened the paper to find a velvet bag, inside of which was a red beaded necklace.

"Oh Timmy it's beautiful!" Shelagh said, reaching out to give him a kiss.

"You like it?" He asked, and for all his sudden growth spurt, his face looked like the little boy he was inside.

"I love it, I shall wear it today" Shelagh beamed, her first present from her children, she would have treasured it, whatever it may have been. "Speaking of which, we all need to go and get changed. Chop chop!"

"Did you help him chose it?" Shelagh asked Patrick as Tim scampered off.

"Me? No. He asked me for some money to get you a present, but I didn't see the end result until today. He's got good taste!"

"I suspect he had some help somewhere" Shelagh said.

As usual, despite the best intentions of both Shelagh and Tim, the Turners ended up being late. Patrick after faffing about doing who knows what, eventually reappeared in the living room to find Tim and Shelagh with their coats already on.

They made their way as quickly as they could to Nonatus house. Angela was snatched away by Sister Evangelina as soon as they arrived, leaving the rest of the family free to get rid of their many layers of outer clothing, Having divested of his coat fairly quickly Patrick went ahead into the dinning room to recapture Angela, while Shelagh nipped to the toilet to re-do her hair slightly after bracing the wind outside.

She joined the rest of the family a shortwhile later. "I say Shelagh, motherhood certainly suits you" Trixie exclaimed "You are positively _glowing_". Patrick turned around to see his wife enter the room and his jaw nearly hit the floor.

Her hair was down and in curls, his favourite style, but she had used the bathroom break to apply a deep red lipstick that he certainly hadn't seen before. Underneath the winter coat she had clearly been wearing a new dress which accentuated her tiny waist, with Tim's new necklace complimenting the outfit. She had most certainly *not* been wearing all that at breakfast this morning.

"That's very kind of you Trixie" Shelagh said, while Patrick just stared at her, agape.

"You look pretty Mum" Tim said

"Are you okay dearest" Shelagh asked her husband, who was still staring at her wordlessly.

"I think he likes the view" Trixie winked, taking Tim by the shoulder "Come on young man, lets get everyone some drinks".

"Thank you for the help with Mum's necklace" Shelagh heard Tim say as they walked away.

"Patrick?" Shelagh said.

"Georgoeous" Patrick finally stuttered.

Shelagh blushed

"Is it a new dress?"

"Yes, I bought it especially. Do you like it?" She replied coyly.

Patrick nodded "You bought it especially for today?"

Shelagh lowered her voice so that only he could hear. "No, I bought it especially for _you_. It's your present. You can unwrap me later" with that she winked at her poor defenseless husband, and sashayed off to find Angela.

Patrick gulped. This was shaping up to be a much better Christmas then last year!


	3. Chapter 3

**This is the last one, its back to work soon, and I will have no more time, so it ends here. Thank you for reading.  
**

* * *

Shelagh felt her glasses steam up slightly as she entered the community centre glad to be stepping into the warm.

"I'll get us some seats" Patrick clapped Tim on the back and marched off.

"Do you have everything now?" Shelagh asked Tim as she lifted Angela out of her pram.

"Yes" Tim said, waving the music infront of him "I'll see you after". He stroked Angela on the cheek, he leaned in to give Shelagh a kiss on the cheek, but spotting Jack and Collin in the distance he stopped mid air and turned away.

"Clearly kissing your mum in public is not the done thing" She whispered to the sleepy Angela. "Hopefully you won't be embarrassed for a good few more years yet." Setting off to find Patrick amongst the throng, she spotted Sister Evangelina and Sister Julienne attempting to settle Sister Monica Joan in to a chair.

"Are you sure you don't want a cushion for your back?" She heard Sister Evangelina ask the elderly Nun as Shelagh approached.

"Hello Sisters" she called.

"Shelagh!" Sister Julienne beamed as she turned to find Shelagh stood behind her with Angela in her arms.

"And young Miss Turner!" Sister Evangelina added unnecessarily, jostling closer with Sister Julienne to get a good look at the baby.

"You've come for the play?" Sister Julienne stated, as she gently stroked Angela's cheek.

"Yes, Angela wants to watch her big brother play the piano" Shelagh said. "I've given her a bottle, so hopefully she will drift off and sleep the whole way through"

"She really is precious, I believe she gets more bonny everytime I see her" Sister Julienne continued while, Sister Evangelina tickled the baby's chin, making clicking noises with her tongue to try and get the baby's attention.

"You're definitely still coming for Christmas Lunch?" Sister Julienne asked.

"Of course, we wouldn't miss it for the world" Shelagh replied, "it will be just wonderful to spend the day with everyone."

"And we you" Sister Julienne said, "Perhaps I can get a Christmas cuddle then?" she addressed the baby, rubbing one of Angela's tiny hands between 2 fingers.

"Well may be you can share this time!" Sister Evangeina said, "none of us got a look in at her christening."

"I am sure Angela will be generous with her cuddles" Shelagh said, her heart warming at how much her tiny daughter had been embraced by the nuns. "I'd better go take a seat. I'll see you tomorrow."

Shelagh carefully picked her way through the crowds. The nuns sat down with Sister Julienne's eyes not leaving Shelagh and Angela, until the two sat down.

"Your favouritism is showing" Sister Monica Joan said loudly as Sister Julienne sat down.

"I'm sorry?" Sister Julienne feigned.

"That baby means more to you than just being your namesake" Sister Monica Joan continued. "Even a blindman can see that."

"Of course I am fond of Angela, just as I am fond of Freddie….."

"You may speak the words, but it does not make them a truth." The older nun remarked. "But fear not I shall keep your secret" she whispered, more to herself, as open chords of music began and glancing to her left she confirmed her suspicions as Sister Julienne was smiling again,a proud, grandmotherly smile, this time at Tim who was playing the piano.


End file.
